Asking for Support as a Strong Black Woman: How I Got to Women & Words

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asking for support as a strong Black woman_Sign from Women & Words event that says My Story Matters

I didn’t always know how to ask for support as a strong Black woman. For years, I carried everything alone but I’ve been doing a lot more of that lately. So, let me tell you what happened…

The subject line said, “Invitation to Women and Words.”

I opened it without thinking too much of it, because I’d applied back in July. And honestly? I figured they’ had already picked who they were gon pick becasue I hadn’t heard anything. And you know how it goes in publishing… no news is usually bad news.

But anyway… the first line said, “Dear Fellow Scribes…”

And I’m sitting there like, not me being a scribe 😂I’m not mad at it…

So now I’m reading for real.

We’re so happy to extend an invitation to you for this year’s Women & Words event on November 7th at Penguin Random House in New York City…

Wait.
What??
I was accepted??

Out of over 1,000 applicants, only 70 were chosen… and I was one of them.

I texted a few friends. They gassed me up just right. I was smiling, floating…heart leaping for joy.

And then later that night — here comes a flood of other feelings.

Because… New York.
Is. Expensive.

Flights, lodging, food, Ubers. This was a dream opportunity… but it didn’t come with a travel stipend.

The joy I felt started getting all tangled up in worry, doubt, and fear. I didn’t want to miss it. I couldn’t miss it. But I genuinely didn’t know how I was gon make it happen.

And the more I sat with it, the clearer it got: I had to be there.
This wasn’t just some event. This was a moment I’d been working and praying for. A chance to pitch my book. To be seen — fully.

But being there meant I had to do something I hate doing.

I had to ask for help.

I fought with myself for days. I went back and forth with that voice that always says, Figure it out. Don’t bother nobody. Don’t need too much.

The Strong Black Woman conditioning was loud.

But you know what else was loud?
The voice I’ve been slowly making louder. The one that says, You don’t have to carry this alone. You’re allowed to need. And you’re allowed to ask for what you need. 

So I did it.
I wrote an email to my list.

And I told them the truth: I had been selected for something big. I needed help getting there.
And more than anything, I was healing my “ask wound” — that part of me that feels like asking is shameful. That part that still says, You should’ve had it all figured out.

And something beautiful happened.

My friends showed up for me.

Not just financially — though yes, they helped cover my flight, my lodging, and some of my expenses. But they also covered me emotionally.

They sent prayers. Encouragement. Gentle reminders that I’m worthy — even when I start doubting it.

And you know what part really gets me?

I would’ve never asked any of them directly. Not one-on-one. Not face to face. My pride would’ve said nah.

But they’re on my list.

And when they read that email — the one I almost didn’t send — they reached out.
No questions. Just…
“How can I support?”
And then… they did.

They did the thing.

So now I’m going to New York.

Not just because I was chosen — but because I let myself be held.

That’s what asking for support as a strong Black Woman looks like.

If you’ve ever felt like asking makes you weak… like saying “I need” will make people disappear — I hope this reminds you that the right people won’t turn away.

We’re allowed to dream big and need help getting there.
We’re allowed to be strong and supported.

This is me choosing both.

I’ll be at Women & Words in NYC on November 7th.
And I’m going with a full heart. 

Because as I’m doing this work, I learning that asking for support as a strong Black woman isn’t about weakness — it’s about refusing to carry things alone.

Resources to Support You:

Shirl is the creator of Support Languages™ and host of Shades of Strong® — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black Woman to Supported Black Woman™ through language, rest, and real support.