Sadija Smiley had been holding everything together for a long time.
Showing up.
Taking care of what needed to be handled.
Making sure nothing around her fell apart.
From the outside, it looked like she had it all under control.
But underneath that was a different story.
In this episode, Sadija shares what it felt like to keep going while quietly falling apart. The pressure to manage everything on her own, the expectation to be okay no matter what, and the ways she learned to push through without stopping.
There’s a moment she takes us into that shifts everything. Sitting in a parking lot, convinced she was having a heart attack, trying to figure out what was happening to her body in real time.
But it wasn’t a heart attack.
It was a panic attack.
And in that moment, it became clear just how much she had been carrying without space to pause or ask for support.
Not because she didn’t need it…
but because she didn’t feel like she had the option to not be okay.
Sadija opens up about what it looked like to finally acknowledge that something had to change. The toll of doing everything alone, the weight of expectation, and the realization that continuing the same way was no longer sustainable.
She shares how she’s beginning to move differently now. Learning how to ask for help. Creating space for herself. And unlearning the idea that she has to carry everything on her own.
This conversation is about what happens when you hold it together for too long… and the moment your body and mind ask you to do something different.
If you’re starting to recognize the ways you’ve been holding everything together without support, the Support Languages™ assessment can help you understand the kind of support that meets you where you are: shadesofstrong.com/supportlanguages.
About Sadija A. Smiley
Sadija A. Smiley is a woman who knows what it means to carry more than anyone should have to and still find a way to keep going.
After the stillbirth of her daughter at 36 weeks, she was left navigating a kind of grief that changes everything. And like so many women, she didn’t have the kind of support she truly needed in that moment.
So she created it.
Sadija is the founder of Stillborn And Infant Loss Support (SAILS), where she’s built spaces for families to grieve, process, and not feel so alone in their loss. Through her work, she has supported hundreds of families, offering the kind of care and understanding she once needed herself.
She’s also the author of After the Silence, where she shares her journey through grief, healing, and what it looks like to keep living after loss.
With more than 20 years in the nonprofit space, Sadija brings both lived experience and deep care to everything she does. Her work is rooted in honesty, healing, and helping women release the pressure to carry everything on their own.
Connect with Sadija A. Smilehy
About Shades of Strong®
Shades of Strong® is a space where Black women come to breathe, reflect, and reclaim strength without the struggle. Support Pauses are short, soulful reminders that you don’t have to carry it all alone. New episodes drop every weekday.
Resources to Support You:
- Black Women Storytelling Series
- Schedule a 1:1 Support Session
- Get the Guide: “You Know Your Support Language™—Now What?”
- Take the Support Language™ Quiz. and learn how you actually receive support best.
- Get Support Right in Your Inbox: Gentle words, real-life reflection, and soft reminders every week
- Download Sistah’s Connect Radio in the Apple Store
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Let’s Stay Connected:
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Shirl Hubbard is the creator of Support Languages™ and host of Shades of Strong® — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black Woman to Supported Black Woman™ through language, rest, and real support.
