26 BLACK WOMEN
Doing Everything Right and Still Feeling Invisible
Radiah-Shabaaz-Harold
Radiah Shabazz-Harold spent years being the one who figured things out, solved problems, carried the mental load, and kept moving even when her body was telling a different story. Living with lupus and Sjögren’s disease added another layer, but for a long time she still worked, parented, traveled, consulted, and showed up like nothing had changed.
For many Black women with chronic illness, continuing to function can make it harder for other people to see what the body is actually going through. Radiah was often in pain, exhausted, dealing with brain fog, and running on very little capacity while still being seen as capable and dependable.
By 2025, pushing through stopped working. Burnout, nervous-system overload, and a fight over access to her medication forced Radiah to confront how much she had been holding together and how unseen she had felt while doing it.
LISTEN TO RADIAH’S STORY
“I just wanted space. I just wanted to be heard and acknowledged in a way that goes beyond, you got it, keep going.”
WHEN PUSHING THROUGH STOPPED BEING AN OPTION
Radiah had already been living with pain, fatigue, brain fog, and the demands of chronic illness while still working, parenting, and handling everything else life required. For years, she found ways to keep functioning anyway.
By 2025, that stopped working. Her concentration was slipping, her nervous system was overloaded, and even small things could send her over the edge because she had so little capacity left. Then a call from her medical provider told her that insurance would no longer cover a medication she depended on to manage her lupus.
That was the breaking point. Radiah was not only exhausted, she felt disregarded. After years of advocating, showing up, and figuring things out, she was suddenly left to fight for something as basic as access to the medication helping her stay well.
WHEN BEING CAPABLE MADE IT EASIER TO MISS HER
Radiah had spent years being known as ambitious, dependable, and able to figure things out. She wore that identity proudly, and other people reflected it back to her. She was the one who could solve the problem, meet the deadline, make the plan, and keep things moving.
But that image came with a cost. The more capable she looked, the easier it became for people to assume she was fine. Even when there were small signs that something was off, moving more slowly, showing up differently, having less capacity, people often saw the performance before they saw the person underneath it.
What Radiah wanted was not for someone to wait until she completely fell apart. She wanted someone to notice the shift and step in before she had to explain every detail of why she needed help.
“I want somebody to have the audacity to step in.”
WHEN SHE DECIDED TO BECOME THE EXAMPLE SHE NEEDED
Radiah had heard plenty of conversations about rest, boundaries, and putting yourself first. But when she looked around, she realized she was not seeing much of that modeled in real life. People were talking about slowing down while still pushing themselves past their limits.
After burnout forced her to confront what that had cost her, Radiah started making different choices. She examined the boundaries she thought she already had, continued therapy, returned to journaling, and began speaking more openly about what she was actually experiencing instead of keeping it inside.
More than anything, she started prioritizing herself in ways that could be seen, not just talked about. If she wanted a different relationship with rest, health, and her own capacity, she realized she might have to become the example she had been looking for.
“I want a different example. I want a different experience. And sometimes we have to be that for ourselves.”
WHEN “YOU GOT THIS” MADE HER STOP TALKING
Radiah did try to reach out. Sometimes she would offer a small piece of what she was dealing with first, just enough to see whether it felt safe to say more.
Too often, the response was some version of, “You got this. You’ll figure it out.” Even when Radiah said plainly that she didn’t have it, people still reflected the capable version of her back to her instead of hearing what she was actually saying.
Eventually, that taught her to stop reaching. If being honest still ended with somebody reminding her how strong she was, keeping it inside started to feel easier than having to prove that things were really that bad.
“I’m trying to talk and you’re not hearing me, so I’m going to be quiet.”
WHEN SHE STARTED MEETING HERSELF OUTSIDE THE PRESSURE
Radiah spent so much of her life being known for what she could handle that there was not always much room left to discover who she was outside of responsibility, pain, and performance.
As she began slowing down, she started noticing simpler things that brought her joy. Coloring. Scratch art. Sharing what she has learned. Mentoring. Telling the truth about experiences she once thought she had to keep to herself.
She is also seeing herself differently now. Radiah once thought of herself as more stoic, but she has come to understand that some of that hardness was protection. Underneath it is someone sensitive, empathic, compassionate, and deeply feeling, qualities she no longer wants to treat like weakness.
“I’m relearning my strengths and what makes me who I am… as I continue emerging into who I am.”
ABOUT RADIAH SHABAAZ-HAROLD
Radiah Shabazz-Harold is a communications professional, mother, wife, advocate, and storyteller whose work is grounded in racial justice, Black liberation, health, and the well-being of Black women. She also lives with lupus and Sjögren’s disease, experiences that have shaped the way she thinks about health, self-advocacy, and what it means to move through the world with chronic illness.
Her professional background includes communications, journalism, and social work, and she is especially drawn to creating and sharing stories that make room for truth, healing, and possibility. Radiah’s own journey has made her increasingly intentional about rest, boundaries, mental health, and helping other women name what they are experiencing before they disappear inside of it.
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