26 BLACK WOMEN
When Helping Everyone Starts to Help You
Simone Gordon
Simone Gordon is used to being the person people call when they need help. She cares for her non-speaking autistic son, supports women and families in crisis, responds to community needs, and has built a public mission around showing up when other people have nowhere else to turn.
But caregiver burnout in Black women can hide inside that kind of dependability. Simone kept saying yes, moving from one need to the next, while eating too little, sleeping too little, and leaving almost no room for herself. Eventually, her body made it impossible to keep pretending that being needed by everyone meant she was okay.
LISTEN TO SIMONE’S STORY
“I usually have people call me for their needs, but not wanting to know what I needed at that time. And I felt alone. It was a strange moment for me. I felt empty.”
WHEN CAREGIVER BURNOUT IN BLACK WOMEN BECOMES PHYSICAL
Simone had been running on almost no margin for years. Her days could start at 4 a.m. caring for her son, move straight into applications, calls, staff, media, families in crisis, school, and household needs, then end around midnight before she got up and did it again.
The warning signs were already there. Her blood pressure was up. She was going entire days without eating. Her chest would tighten, and what she first thought might be a heart attack turned out to be anxiety. Still, she kept moving because there was always somebody else who needed something from her.
Then, while helping a friend move, her body stopped cooperating. She started sweating, felt tightness in her throat and chest, became dizzy, and fell. She got back up and kept going until she fell again. That was the point when pushing through was no longer something she could explain away.
WHEN EVERYONE NEEDED HER, BUT NOBODY WAS CHECKING ON HER
Simone was used to being the problem solver, the peacemaker, the person people called when something went wrong. That role had become so normal that even when she was struggling, the people around her still reached for what she could give instead of asking what she needed.
When her health started forcing her to slow down, that imbalance became harder to ignore. Simone expected someone to notice, call, sit with her, or simply tell her it was okay to rest. Instead, she found herself feeling alone in a life where so many people depended on her.
That realization changed the way she looked at some friendships, partnerships, and professional relationships. She began to see that being needed by people was not the same thing as being cared for.
“Everybody looks at me to be the problem solver, the peacemaker, the hugger, the lover. And I can’t always be that person because look at what I’m up against.”
WHEN SHE STOPPED BEING THE YES PERSON
Simone had spent years responding to whatever needed her first. Her son, families in crisis, media requests, staff, school, household needs, all of it came before her. Saying yes had become so automatic that she barely noticed how little space was left for herself.
Once her health forced her to change, she started doing something that had once felt almost impossible. She began scheduling rest into her day, working five days instead of seven, speaking up about what she would and would not tolerate, and making room for things that were just for her.
That shift did not make her less committed to the people she serves. It changed the way she showed up. Simone began learning that helping other people did not require disappearing from her own life.
“I am now able to schedule things throughout my day that also include meditation and rest. I’m able to tell people what I don’t like and what I will not tolerate.”
WHEN SUPPORT MEANT SOMEONE ASKING WHAT SHE NEEDED
Simone had spent years being the person people called with a problem, a crisis, or a need. So when her own health started breaking down, she expected that somebody would notice the difference and reach for her without asking for anything in return.
What she wanted was simple. Someone to call. Someone to talk to her. Someone to tell her it was okay to feel what she was feeling and okay to rest. Instead, she found herself facing the same imbalance she had lived inside for years. People knew how to come to her with their needs, but very few knew how to ask about hers.
For Simone, support began to mean being cared for without first having to be useful. It meant being seen as a person before being seen as the Black Fairy Godmother, the problem solver, or the one who always knows what to do.
“I thought somebody was going to call and be there for me. Talk to me. Let me know it’s okay to feel the way I feel, but also rest. And I didn’t have that.”
WHEN SHE STARTED MAKING ROOM FOR HERSELF
Simone’s life still includes caregiving, community work, and people who depend on her. None of that disappeared. What changed was the idea that her own needs had to come last in order for everybody else to be okay.
She began making smaller, deliberate changes. She stopped working seven days a week. She started setting aside time for meditation, reading, rest, and the simple act of moving through a morning without immediately becoming available to everyone else.
For Simone, making room for herself did not mean walking away from responsibility. It meant recognizing that she could care deeply for other people without treating her own body, time, and well-being like they were endlessly available.
“It has been feeling so great to read a book for 30 minutes to an hour and space out the world.”
ABOUT SIMONE GORDON
Simone Gordon is known as the Black Fairy Godmother, supporting marginalized women and families across the country with emergency assistance, resources, and help with stability. Her work grew out of her own experience trying to find support for herself and her son after he was diagnosed with autism and she lost her job.
She went on to build a community-centered mission around showing up for Black and Brown women and families who need help when they do not know where else to turn. Her work has been featured nationally, but at the center of it is still the same commitment to helping people feel less alone when life gets hard.
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