26 BLACK WOMEN
Losing Yourself Trying to Be Strong
When “I Got It” Was No Longer True
Tasha Randle
Tasha had spent years being the one who figured things out. In a demanding corporate marketing role, she was expected to stay on, make decisions, solve problems, and keep everything moving. At home, she was also a wife and mother of two, newly back at work with a seven-month-old and a toddler. Somewhere inside all of that, strong Black woman burnout had become her normal.
The signs had been there for a while. Neck tension. Shallow breathing. Eye twitching. Restless sleep. A body that kept trying to get her attention while she kept telling herself she could handle it. Then one ordinary morning, her husband said, “You always figure it out,” and something in her finally gave way.
LISTEN TO TASHA’S STORY
“I don’t want to figure it out. Yes, I am capable of figuring it out.
Sure, I figured out things all day, but I don’t want to.”
WHEN STRONG BLACK WOMAN BURNOUT STARTED SHOWING UP IN HER BODY
Tasha had been operating at full capacity for so long that the strain started showing up physically before she was ready to name what was happening. At work, she was in back-to-back meetings, expected to make decisions, solve problems, meet unreasonable deadlines, and stay “on” all day. She had built an identity around being the one who could figure it out, so slowing down did not feel like an option.
Then her body started pushing back. Neck and back tension. Shallow breathing. Eye twitching. Tingling in her arm. Restless sleep that left her tired even after seven hours in bed. Tasha kept explaining each symptom away as posture, age, motherhood, or something temporary, but the pattern kept growing.
Looking back, she can see that her body had been trying to interrupt what her mind kept normalizing. She was so busy managing the next deadline and the next responsibility that she did not have much room to ask what all of that pushing was actually doing to her.
WHEN WORK KEPT WINNING OVER WHAT MATTERED MORE
When Tasha returned to work after having her second child, she was determined to continue breastfeeding. After struggling with breastfeeding her first baby, being able to nourish her second child entirely with breast milk felt like a hard-won victory. But keeping that going required time, pumping sessions, and a body that was not constantly flooded with stress.
Work kept demanding more. Back-to-back meetings made it hard to get to the nursing room. Chronic stress began affecting her milk production. Little by little, the thing Tasha cared deeply about became the thing that kept getting pushed aside because everything at work felt more urgent.
Looking back, that is one of the parts of that season that still hurts. She can see now how often the urgent things won over the important ones, and how being the person who kept everything moving at work came with a cost she did not fully understand until later.
“If I’m really honest with myself, I prioritized work and making everything work for everybody at work more than I prioritized nourishment for my son.”
WHEN BEING CAPABLE KEPT HER CARRYING TOO MUCH
Tasha had spent so many years being praised for figuring things out that asking for help could feel almost unnecessary. If she could do something herself, her instinct was to do it. That showed up at work, at home, and even in small things like cleaning the house. Being able to do something had become its own kind of trap.
What began to change was her understanding of support. She started asking her husband to share more of the load with the kids. They alternated pickups and bedtime. She hired house cleaners instead of automatically adding that work to her own list. Little by little, Tasha stopped treating every task she was capable of doing as a task she was required to carry.
That shift also changed how she thought about strength. Being able to handle something was no longer enough reason to keep it on her plate. She became more protective of what she agreed to carry and more willing to delegate, outsource, or simply decide that something did not need to be done at all.
“Just because I can do it doesn’t
mean I have to.”
WHEN “I’M STRUGGLING” NEEDED TO BE ENOUGH
Tasha had spent so much of her life being known as the one who figured things out that even saying something was hard did not always carry the weight she needed it to. People were used to seeing her as capable, accomplished, and able to push through. So when she said she was tired or overwhelmed, the response could still sound like, “You’ll get it.”
What she needed was not somebody rushing in to solve everything or telling her to take a quick break and keep moving. She needed to be listened to without being minimized, dismissed, or made to feel like she was overreacting. She needed her struggle to be believed before it became a breakdown.
That morning with her husband made the difference visible. It took Tasha reaching the point where she could no longer hold herself together for the people around her to fully understand how heavy things had become. Looking back, she can see how being known as “the strong one” had made it harder for others to hear the urgency in what she was saying.
“When I say, ‘This is hard. I can’t do something,’ it doesn’t feel as believable to some people.”
WHEN SHE STOPPED BELIEVING EVERYTHING WOULD FALL APART
Tasha knows now that slowing down is not the same thing as failing. The version of her who was still pushing believed she had to keep everything moving or risk falling behind. Looking back, she can see that some of the things she was so afraid would fall apart probably needed to.
What changed was her willingness to stop treating support like something optional. Rest, help, delegation, and asking somebody else to carry part of the load became necessary, not because she had become less capable, but because capability was no longer the standard she wanted to use for deciding what belonged on her shoulders.
That is what she would tell the woman she was then: you do not have to wait until your body forces you to stop. You do not have to keep proving that you can carry everything just because you always have.
“Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you have to. Support is not a sign of weakness.
Support is a necessity.”
ABOUT TASHA RANDLE
Tasha Randle is a strategic business advisor who helps entrepreneurs identify what is keeping their revenue stuck and focus their effort where it can create the greatest return. Her work draws on years of brand-building and corporate marketing experience, including leadership roles with major consumer brands, and now centers on helping entrepreneurs build businesses that can actually sustain the impact they want to make.
She brings that same attention to root causes into the way she thinks about life, work, and support. Rather than simply pushing harder, Tasha encourages people to slow down enough to see what is actually happening, question what they have normalized, and stop carrying more simply because they are capable of carrying it.
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