One of the stories that stayed with me most from the 26 Black Women storytelling series came from a Black woman describing what it felt like to realize her body had been warning her for a long time… and she never really stopped long enough to listen.
At the time, she was balancing motherhood, marriage, a demanding corporate career, and the constant pressure to keep everything moving.
And from the outside, it probably looked like she was handling it.
That’s the thing about a lot of Black women who get labeled “strong.”
The strength often hides how much they’re actually carrying.
During our conversation, she talked about how stress had slowly started showing up in her body in ways she kept brushing off.
The neck tension.
The shallow breathing.
The eye twitching.
The exhaustion.
The random sighs she didn’t even realize were happening until her husband pointed them out.
But instead of seeing those things as warning signs, she kept explaining them away the way a lot of us do.
Maybe it was posture.
Maybe it was lack of sleep.
Maybe it was motherhood.
Maybe it was just life.
So she kept pushing through.
The Moment Everything Cracked Open
There’s a moment in the episode where she talks about standing in the doorway early one morning with two small children, exhaustion sitting heavy on her body, and her husband casually saying: “You always figure it out.”
And something in her broke.
Not because he meant harm.
Not because he didn’t love her.
But because those words landed on top of years of pressure she had been quietly carrying.
Pressure to keep performing.
Pressure to keep proving herself.
Pressure to keep functioning no matter how overwhelmed she felt.
And listening to her describe that moment honestly made me think about how many Black women are praised for carrying heavy things without anyone ever asking whether the weight is becoming too much.
The Quiet Sacrifices Nobody Sees
One of the hardest parts of the conversation for me was hearing her talk about returning to work after having her second child.
She shared how important breastfeeding had been to her after struggling with it the first time around. She finally felt like she had gotten it right.
But once she returned to work, the pressure, stress, nonstop meetings, and constant demands started catching up with her in ways she couldn’t ignore anymore.
And there was a moment during the conversation where she admitted something so honest and so tender that you could hear the weight of it sitting on her spirit in real time.
Not polished.
Not cleaned up.
Just real.
That moment stayed with me long after we finished recording.
Because underneath so much of what gets called “strength” are often quiet sacrifices people never fully see.
When Capability Becomes a Trap
Another thing she said during the episode that really stuck with me was this idea that many high-achieving Black women become trapped by their own capability.
Not because they aren’t strong.
Not because they aren’t gifted.
But because being capable slowly turns into feeling responsible for everything.
And after a while, support starts feeling unnecessary.
Or weak.
Or selfish.
Or like something you’re supposed to earn only after you’ve completely run yourself into the ground.
Meanwhile the body keeps trying to wave the white flag.
That’s part of what made this conversation so powerful to me.
It wasn’t just about burnout.
It wasn’t just about work.
It wasn’t just about motherhood.
It was about what happens when survival becomes such a normal way of living that a Black woman stops recognizing her own distress until her body finally refuses to let her ignore it anymore.
The reflections in this piece were inspired by conversations from the 26 Black Women storytelling series on the Shades of Strong podcast, where Black women shared honest stories about emotional exhaustion, caregiving, work pressure, motherhood, burnout, and the emotional cost of always being the strong one.
One of the conversations that deeply shaped this reflection was Tasha Randle’s story about stress, motherhood, survival, and what happened when her body finally stopped allowing her to push through.
Listen to her episode here.
These conversations continue shaping the work I do through Shades of Strong and the Support Languages framework, both centered on helping Black women redefine strength and build lives rooted in real support.
Resources to Support You:
- Schedule a 1:1 Support Session
- Get the Guide: “You Know Your Support Language™—Now What?”
- Take the Support Language™ Assessment. and learn how you actually receive support best.
- Get Support Right in Your Inbox: Gentle words, real-life reflection, and soft reminders every week
Shirl is the creator of Support Languages™ and host of Shades of Strong® — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black Woman to Supported Black Woman™ through language, rest, and real support.
