I’ve been seeing this meme floating around on social media saying, “stop telling people how to heal from stuff you’ve never been through”….
Well, here’s a suggestion for ya…
Stop telling people how to heal their [emotional] pain PERIOD!
Recently, while standing in the middle of the aisle at Walgreens looking for Dove’s pear and aloe vera soap, I heard the words,
“Girl, stop crying and get out of bed. Your life could be a lot worse.
He’ll be back when he realizes what he lost….”
I was a little taken aback by the conversation for two reasons…
One…. because here’s this lady is on the phone in a public place [loudly] having a conversation that most certainly should have been kept private.
And two because…….
Oh my gosh! Why is she telling her that when she’s obviously hurting — like in serious emotional pain?
But, being the mind your business girl that I am, I shook it off, grabbed my soap and went on my merry little way.
In all honesty, the lady probably meant no harm and she clearly thought she was helping her friend; but the reality is when someone is going through a moment of despair the last thing she wants to hear is, “it could be worse.”
The fact that it could be worse does not lessen the pain she’s feeling in that moment, does it?
Of course not!
She may stop crying and she may even get out of bed, but it’s not because she realizes that it could be worse.
It’s because she just realized that her friend doesn’t care about her pain – or at least that what’s she’s thinking because her friend (unknowingly) implied that her feelings are not valid.
So, she’s getting out of bed because now she’s got to prove to her friend that she’s bigger than this pain she’s experiencing.
Ladies!!! We gotta stop doing this to each other.
I talk to women everyday who are hurting, broken, struggling to recover from various traumas and tragedies – abuse, rape, rejection, death, break ups – pain that has left them feeling hopeless, worthless and un-loved. As a matter of fact, I used to be one of them.
…but they can’t get the healing they need because family, friends, society, religion have made them feel like they can’t feel what they’re feeling.
Join Natty and I at the virtual table as we shed some light on how harmful our words can be when we’re not sensitive to the trauma of others.
And when you’re finished, we’d love to hear your thoughts on how you support your friends and family when life happens unexpectedly. So, hop on over to Shades of Strong and share your story with us via voice message.
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